Failure Feeling Yet Again

Just finished my math test two days ago and guess what, I think I did really badly. It is the same feeling as say my Secondary 2 and 3 years before I had some emergency tuition to help pull my socks up. Maybe I do need to pay some money to get myself disciplined to start working. Maybe I don’t, I really don’t know. It is the failure feeling yet again and I think I might just get it engraved even deeper within me tomorrow as I will be taking the English test.

English used to be easier for me during my Secondary 1 – 3 days before I suddenly felt that I lost the touch of getting within the marking rubrics of the teachers. Getting low marks was usual for me and an average marks come every few times but not often enough. I have no idea what is wrong, it is just that I lost that writing style or something like that. I doubt it is my analysis that is the problem (okay sometimes it is the analysis but not for most of them) but it is more of the way I present them. Totally disorganized, points here and there not concise and of course repeating of pointers pisses most teachers off (I THINK).

Never mind though tomorrow I’ll just see how things go. Maybe I’ll get some inspiration from some divine atmospheric being in the air or something while I sit for the test. Maybe not. As I speak I am worrying about my Mock presentation on some literature book tomorrow. Ah the topic I chosen is totally hard to express and unemployable for a lower level student like me. My teacher also seems to be a rather strict marker so the marks suggested that I would get would probably demoralize me even further.

English can’t actually be practiced so I wouldn’t harp on that. Back to the math I was talking about earlier on. I think I might actually get only 6 out of 60 marks, the lowest in my history of my studying life. I mean yeah it was that bad, and after the paper after asking people how to do this and that I realize the mistakes I made. Yeah, that is what most people say and do. And what do they say afterwards? “I just need more practice and I’ll score”. Hell yeah, I do need more practice and if you read back my posts back then I bet I’ve said the exact same thing. Tuition would force me to practice for that 2 hours or so, but if ONLY I could just sit down and do by myself, asking friends/teachers the next day/whenever possible that would save me $200 every month.

That brings to another point. I missed a great deal for speakers sold. I haven’t bought a speaker since the day my rig was built. Simply borrowed some stock dell speakers that my aunty had. After hearing how any other speaker bought in the market would be better, I wanted to have one since I do game and hear music on my computer. I saw a great opportunity to get a great set of speakers for a great price but missed it as it was sold to another person. If only I had the earning power now I’ll be making decisions of purchasing lifestyle goods by myself. If only, now have to wait for some it fair or clearance sales or pray that another good deal comes by.

With that said, I think I shall practice my Mock presentation one more time to cushion the failure tomorrow. I WANT NEW SPEAKERS.

[image by Behrooz Nobakht via flickr]

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